The captain has just turned on the fasten-seat-belt-sign. He didn't mean to, but the joint he was smoking fell in his lap, and when he jumped up, his head hit the switch.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

Do not be afraid to be kind

If somebody tells me what to do, I will do my best not to do it.

The creative principle [of science] resides in mathematics.

I feel like I've won the tournament.

It is the brushwork of the right value and color which should produce the drawing.

Mistake not. Those pleasures are not pleasures that trouble the quiet and tranquillity of thy life.

Healthcare is very much a high priority for me. Healthcare is also a huge issue for business, both big and small.

There was an old abbot in one temple and he said something of which I think often and it was this, that when men destroy their old gods they will find new ones to take their place.

The older I get the wiser and more skillful I get.

Free curiosity is of more value in learning than harsh discipline.