The cave-dweller's wife complained that he hadn't dragged her anywhere in months.

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.

Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.

Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

Don't believe in miracles - depend on them.

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.

Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.

When in doubt or danger, run in circles, scream and shout.

A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know.

There are two kinds of failures: those who thought and never did, and those who did and never thought

Some problems are so complex that you have to be highly intelligent and well informed just to be undecided about them.

The Qualia of God have paramount potential to alter your body chemistry through mind-body substrates of neurobiology.

Body tension will always be present if our good feeing is just ordinary, self-centered happiness. Joy has no tension in it, because joy accepts whatever is as it is.

Keep hoping. Be patient and diligent. Never give up. Hold on to your faith. God helps us when we show Him that we are willing to help ourselves.

Birds and beasts have in fact our own nature, flattened a semi-tone.

For they who think they make an end of temptation by yeilding to it, only set themselves on fire the more.

a good deal of childhood is strong stuff for adults and totally unsuitable for children.

The wall that protects you from rejection also keeps out love and success. Accept your abundance.

Maybe—just maybe—Sadie had my best interests at heart. (I just caught her making faces at me, so maybe not.)

Things involved with a computer fill me with a childlike terror. Now, if it were a nice ogre or some such I'd be more in my element.

I always wanted to be on a sitcom.