The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

Did God ever cry over his lost angel, I wonder?

We can only transform our lives by renewal of mind via renewed knowledge.

Do the possible, and let God do the impossible.

Then he kept to the back streets, and found a place that did a very reasonable double sausage, egg, bacon and fried slice, in the hope that food could replace sleep.

You might plan how to sleep but you can't plan how you wake up. He who plans how to sleep is a Planer, he who plans out to wake up is a Dreamer.

I would love, obviously, just to keep doing stand-up. That's the constant. That's the thing that I'm going to do for the rest of my life, but also I would like a TV show at some point.

I think that Africa has made quite rapid progress and a lot of the conflicts that we saw on the continent have abated.

We are born on the same soil, breathe the same air, live on the same land, and why should we not be brothers and sisters?

It behooves us unanimously and inviolably to observe the ecclesiastical traditions, whether codified or simply retained by the customary practice of the Church.

I chase after inspiring stories.