The circus a place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

They're going to get the death penalty. They'll be strung up and made to be laughed at out in the streets and made examples of!

I'm a huge Woody Allen fan. Good movie, bad movie, it doesn't matter - I just like his movies.

For most of us, wisdom is acquired in the thicket of experience and usually meets us somewhere along the way if we live long enough. But sooner is better than later.

I'll keep going until I get to the point where I can't get out on stage.

Life is a vexatious trap; when a thinking man reaches maturity and attains to full consciousness he cannot help feeling that he is in a trap from which there is no escape.

Golf is meaningless, but it means so much.

We do not deny the possibility of peaceful [political] transition, but we are still awaiting the first case.

All wars come to an end, at least temporarily. But the authority acquired by the state hangs on; political power never abdicates.

We don't need more #contentmarketing, we need more relevant content.

In a different time, in a different place, it is always some other side of our common human nature that has been developing itself. The actual truth is the sum of all these.