The circus goes from town to town, so why run away to join it? It should be, I've decided to wait for the circus to come.

Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.

Competition is the death of art.

Have you noticed since Global Warming took hold that all the snowmen look kind of angry?

They say that cats are the only animal that can sit in your lap and ignore you. To which I say: you've never been to the Spearmint Rhino.

The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

Women are like pumpkins; you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.

I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.

Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.

To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.

Once you learn to quit it becomes a habit.

Boundaries don't protect rivers, people do.

It's kind of hard to rally around a math class.

Success isn't about acquiring things, it's about discovering your life purpose and following the call

This is the age in which thin and theoretic minorities can cover and conquer unconscious and untheoretic majorities.

Freedom requires religion in society, not in individuals.

Scotland is one of my favourite places to perform: it's really something special. Scottish audiences are just so enthusiastic; their approach to dance music just feels similar to my own somehow.

I always wanted to kind of make the listener feel like it was them that I was talking about, or to the point that I could say the rhyme, and feel like it's them saying it.

I'm very proud of being a Bee Gee and am always aware that I'll be identified as a Bee Gee.

Trouble is a thing that will come without our call, but true joy will not spring up without ourselves.