The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.

When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are your ready?'

Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.

Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.

Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whiskey, and a dog to eat the rare steak.

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

Let's us hold hands together in harmony for a peaceful co -existence for alll humankind in every nation.

Now is the time to commit to your "SELF" that there will be no playing small. You have gifts to give unto the world - and a difference to make.

Skeptical scrutiny is the means, in both science and religion, by which deep thoughts can be winnowed from deep nonsense.

I definitely like being in bands with other women because it's just, I don't know, it's just better.

The last degree of love is when He gave Himself to us to be our Food; because He gave Himself to be united with us in every way.

What's it like to kiss Mel Gibson?

There are some agents who do a good job looking after players but there are others who stifle and mollycoddle them.

Within each experience of pain or negativity is the opportunity to challenge the perception that lies behind it and to choose to learn with wisdom.

It is not the reading of many books which is necessary to make a man wise or good; but well reading of a few.

You are enough. You are so enough, it is unbelievable how enough you are.