The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.

Every life has a destiny... the trick is to discover it before then end of your life. Otherwise, you will have too many regrets.

Maybe the most that you can expect from a relationship that goes bad is to come out of it with a few good songs.

The truth is, if anyone saw my home life, I'm pretty sure it would look like other families' around the world. There's a lot of juggling to be done.

It is God's hand which has guided everything, and it is God whom we must thank above all.

You have authority over every storm you can sleep in

Do not mistake a crowd of big wage earners for the leisure class.

You don't need a vacation when there's nothing to escape from.

Think not the bigotry of another is any excuse for your own.

If alcohol is queen, then tobacco is her consort. It's a fond companion for all occasions, a loyal friend through fair weather and foul.

In any case, the idea of giving "all" of reality is overly simple and absurd.