The cool part about naming your kid is you don’t have to add six numbers to make sure the name is available.

People are like music, some speak the truth and others are just noise.

Alcohol is really just the liquid version of Photoshop.

Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood.

Friendship is so weird. You just pick a human you've met and you're like, 'Yep, I like this one,' and you just do stuff with them.

I'm a nut, but not just a nut.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

You know how funerals are not for the dead, they’re for the living? Bachelor parties are not for the groom, they’re for the uncommitted.

You can tell how boring a person is by the lack of fear in their eyes when someone is flipping through photos on their phone.

Just beat my record for most consecutive days without dying.

The secret is to have a sense of yourself, your real self, your unique self. And not just once in a while, or once a day, but all through the day, the week and life.

Learning the truth has become my life's love.

We have to allow ourselves to feel it in order to heal it.

The desire to avoid short-term hardships leads to major dislocations in [housing] markets.

Read in oreder to live

Hitler had a great gift for adjusting - consciously or intuitively - to his surroundings. ... With enormous histrionic intuition he could shape his behavior to changing situations.

I knuckle down with my demons, and with my weaknesses.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

A change of opinions is almost unknown in an elderly military man.

I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.

Let freedom ring, let the white dove sing, let the weak be strong, let the right be wrong... it's Independence Day.