The cost of living keeps going up, although death is surprisingly affordable.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

The theater has been called the pulse of the people.

Promise me you’ll look after yourself … stay out of trouble …’‘I always do, Mrs Weasley, ’ said Harry. ‘I like a quiet life, you know me.

It remains to consider what attitude thoughtful men and Christian believers should take respecting them, and how they stand related to beliefs of another order.

I'm an actor, in particular, that likes to have a mask or something that can help me distance myself from the character. Like the moustache or an accent.

Britain does not want a return to boom and bust.

It is important that we know and hear God's voice, for the words of God reveal the will of God.

It is just the little touches after the average man would quit that make the master's fame.

We are all born; some remain so.

Your heart must become a sea of love. Your mind must become a river of detachment.

Humor is the only thing that allows you to survive every pressure and crisis.