The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk.

Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental.

Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, were it not for making living, which is rather a nouciance.

The door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Behold the Zebra on the plains, And shudder at his mighty manes!

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.

When I remember bygone days I think how evening follows morn So many I loved were not yet dead, So many I love were not yet born.

Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

Don't waste your energy in fighting the old. Use it to build the new.

How much self-love comes in the guise of selfless devotion!

It's okay if there isn't a God anymore, but I still want to respect something. I don't want to be the center of my own universe,

My morning routine is quite common: I have breakfast at home while reading the newspaper, I take a shower, get dressed, a spray of cologne, and I am ready to go!

The worst is over without a doubt.

Ethics is inescapable.

You know what the problem is with world hunger? We've been sending them food.

Think it not hard if you get not your will, nor your delights in this life; God will have you to rejoice in nothing but himself.

When I first read 'On the Road,' it helped me figure out how to live against the grain. Now I wonder how to be subversive when the subversive has become mainstream.

Accomplishments have taken virtue's place, and wisdom falls before exterior grace.