The danger of oppression is not just being oppressed, it's becoming an oppressor.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

The Lovely Knowing, your source of intuition and inspiration may not always be explainable, but it is always attainable!

One little Indian left all alone, he went out and hanged himself and then there were none.

-- So this is the measure of your God's Mercy.-- No. This is the measure of Pharaoh's soul.

I'm frugal. I've always been this way. When I was young, my mom would give me my allowance, and I'd peel off a little each week and have some to spare.

Sensible men no longer belive in miracles; they were invented by priests to humbug the peasants.

[Science] is the literature of God written on the stars-the trees-the rocks-and more important because [of] its marked utilitarian character.

When we read the right book generously, it can change the way think about the world around us.

Air, I should explain, becomes wind when it is agitated.

I believe there are Steve Jobses all around us. Really, what is happening is that they're being edited out of importance.

The first and only principle of sexual ethics: the accuser is always in the wrong.