The day Apollo 11 landed, I knew men would walk on Mars in my lifetime. I'm no longer nearly so sure. The last budget put forward in Canada contained not a penny for Mars.

Sometimes I think I must have a Guardian Idiot. A little invisible spirit just behind my shoulder, looking out for me...only he's an imbecile.

Librarians are the secret masters of the world. They control information. Don't ever piss one off.

If a person who indulges in gluttony is a glutton, and a person who commits a felony is a felon, then God is an iron.

You become uneasy with people in direct proportion to how many lies you have to keep track of in their presence.

Pain shared is pain lessened; joy shared is joy increased. Thus do we refute entropy.

Anger is always - always - fear in disguise.

We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour.

Shared joy is increased, shared pain is lessened.

Man, you're no smarter than me. You're just a fancier kind of stupid.

It's always coldest before the warm.

I believe in the possibility of positive change at every age and every stage of life. Your whole life is ahead of you.

Never complain about what you permit to be.

The Democratic party has gone so far to the left that people just can't relate to it anymore and the Republican party is trying to go totally to the right.

Right now I'm trying to figure out what I'm gonna do, 'cause I don't want to sit around on my backside all day. If I'm gonna do that I'll be a newspaper reporter.

That was part of her, and you used to know it. It's like now you only care about the Alaska you made up.

Since God has given me a cheerful heart, He will forgive me for serving Him cheerfully.

Advice is like castor oil — easy enough to give but dreadful hard to take.

In high school, I didn't get the chance to wrestle varsity until my senior year because I had an older brother who was better than me.

I cannot smell mothballs because it's so difficult to get their little legs apart.

One score makes happy ONE player, one assist makes happy TWO.