The day is divided into two important sections: Mealtimes and everything else.

I sometimes look into the face of my dog Stan and see a wistful sadness and existential angst, when all he is actually doing is slowly scanning the ceiling for flies.

A wacky, trendy outfit on a guy over 40 indicates he's got big issues.

Beware the man who doesn't ask you any questions about yourself on your first date.

Men who have a lot of charm have it in place of something real that you are eventually going to want from them and find that they do not have.

No one would argue against the fact that L.A. leads the country in opportunities for being hip and pretentious.

A more complex - but only slightly more original - way to feel out of it is available at the hip and pretentious nightclubs and bars along the Sunset Strip.

It's just like magic. When you live by yourself, all your annoying habits are gone!.

You just never know when it might be cookie time. And, that is what the dogs have taught me.

My goal was always getting my work out in the world, and in many ways, I feel like the luckiest person alive.

Every moment of your life that is not a complete nightmare is happiness.

A great giftwe can giveto ourselvesis a willingnessto love everyone, no matter what.This frees us completely from the toxicjustificationswe use to hate.

This machine kills fascists.

Be careful of who you seek advice from, because devil will never show a person the path to Heaven.

Bad luck is when opportunity is in parallel lines with your preparation and action.

Most people don't live aware lives. They live mechanical lives, mechanical thoughts - generally somebody else's - mechanical emotions, mechanical actions, mechanical reactions.

Drugs are marvelous--it's life that's evil. And sometimes the only way to face it is to get completely twisted.

The time for speaking seldom arrives, the time for being never departs.

When you can't see yourself objectively, you won't see anyone else objectively, either.

Are those cat hairs on your lapel, or have you been dating a blonde with a crew cut?

And on that day when my strength is failing; the end draws near and my time has come. Still my soul will sing Your praise unending ten thousand years and then forevermore