The death penalty is becoming a way of life in this country.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

It's not possible to have a problem without believing a prior thought. To notice this simple truth is the beginning of peace.

Most celebrated men live in a condition of prostitution.

If you don't know how to live, why wonder about death?

They were checking us so closely, I could tell what brand of deodorant they were using.

I'm a risk-taker. It's where my passion lies, so I don't want to play it safe. That means I'm going to fail sometimes.

Being on the spiritual path means you want to be a success in an existential sphere, not just on a social level.

Paul McCartney and John Lennon would often write a song a day, so I have the same workmanlike philosophy.

The life of famous men was more glorious in antiquity; the life of obscure men is happier with the moderns.

Yet I have said over and over again that there is no "right" or "wrong" in the universe. A thing is not intrinsically right or wrong. A thing simply is.

A single zealot may commence prosecutor, and better men be his victims.