The definition of the word nerd has changed. It's now any attractive person with a hobby. The loneliness component is no longer included.

Every cookie is a sugar cookie. A cookie without sugar is a cracker.

No matter what time of year it's always funny when a person walks by me dressed in religious garb and I say Happy Halloween!

Just saw an orthodox Jewish kid do 3 pull-ups on the scaffolding. Shattering the previous record.

Don't go back over your life with a red pen.

Some people hate Jews. Fine, alright it's been done. I mean, that's part of my problem with it. Could you hate somebody new? I'm not giving you any suggestions but the Belgians have had a good run.

The key is to get it all down on paper before the coffee stops telling you you're talented.

Rich people are just like us though they now eat their meals off square shaped plates.

If you are 26 years old and you're waking up under Star Wars sheets... the Force is not with you.

I sometimes throw in a couple of swears just to keep the Christian right off my tail. I wouldn't want to be the tea party's go-to comedian.

The popcorn button on the microwave is a miraculous invention. More miraculous than even the microwave itself.

What in the blue star-blazes did you see in Jason?" he asked, still forcefully but with his frustration and jealousy under better control."For one thing, Djetth, he wasn't trying to kil

People seek light in the external darkness Not knowing that the Light is within.Close your physical eyes and see with your inner vision.Open your eyes and see what before was invisible to you.

To understand what the outside of an aquarium looks like, it's better not to be a fish.

Knowledge of the investment is most profitable

[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven't missed a thing, I was just killing time 'til you got here.

Fear is the base of what everybody does wrong in their lives.

A man is a fool not to put everything he has, at any given moment, into what he is creating.

Before my diagnosis [cancer] I was a competitor but not a fierce competitor. When I was diagnosed, that turned me into a fighter.

A lighthouse is not interested in who gets its light! It just gives it without thinking! Giving light is its nature!

In no other arena is the church at greater risk of losing its calling than in the public square