The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.

I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.

You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.

Thoughts can be such slippery things sometimes, Very hard to handle.But to a well-trained mind, They are easy to bind

Be careful that the cost of weighing the purchase of an object does not exceed its intrinsic value.

Language is memory and metaphor.

That which exists possesses identity; he could keep it out of existence by refusing to identify it.

Achievers can almost literally taste success because they imagine their goals in such vivid detail. Setbacks only seem to add spice and favor to the final taste of victory.

Nonsense, do you imagine he has thought as much of you as you have of him?

Any one can heal who believes that he can, and who will take the time to put that belief in motion through the Law.

Everyone is psychic. People just don't know that. They think so much. They worry so much. They're so caught up in unhappy emotions. They're not still enough.

I feel like Obama's an Illuminati puppet.

I did a study of soldiers returning from Iraq, and their levels of PTSD were much higher if they had had to shoot a woman or child, even if they knew the person was a suicide bomber.