The difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull: At some point, a pit bull does stop whining.

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

False hope really makes you cynical.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

It's not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That's predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye.

Be silent, but let your silence become the loudest message of love and compassion.

In two thousand years all our generals and politicians may be forgotten, but Einstein and Madame Curie and Bernard Shaw and Stravinsky will keep the memory of our age alive.

If you don't take a chance-you won't have a chance.

Females get hired along procreative lines. After 40, we're kind of cooked.

I'm plagued with indecision in my life. I can't figure out what to order in a restaurant.

Coward is the most misused word in our society.

The soldiers currently manning our sophisticated weaponry have room temperature IQ's.

If no ones doing the creative work that you want to do, do it yourself.

I'm a comeback waiting to happen. No one deserves it more than I do.

To be the object of someone's obsession is horrible.