The distance between the limousine and the gutter is a short one.

I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow.

And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians.

Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.

Poly means more than one, and ticks are bloodsucking parasites.

Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.

When a stray animal crosses your path, it may be as close to God as you're going to get in this lifetime.

People may surprise you with unexpected kindness. Dogs have a depth of loyalty that often we seem unworthy of. But the love of a cat is a blessing, a privilege in this world.

Humanity is OK, but 99% of people are boring idiots.

The jealous are troublesome to others but torment to themselves.

If we build the legal immigration system better, then they come here, and we'll have a whole lot less illegal immigration.

The world in which we were called to exist was an absurd world, and there was no other in which we could take refuge.

Your practice should be strengthened by the difficult situations you encounter, just as a bonfire in a strong wind is not blown out, but blazes even brighter.

The Italians live well. They have problems, like all countries, but they are well-dressed, the women are pretty.

The absence of feeling bad isn't enough to make you happy; you must strive to find sources of feeling good

Men and women would be even more unhappy if they really understood one another.

there is a law of retribution in all things, direct or indirect, visible or invisible.

Before a leaf-bud has burst, its whole life acts; in the full-blown flower there is no more; in the leafless root there is no less.