The earth is a used Kleenex on the universe's nightstand.

I think Helen of Troy must have been pretty hot. She got two countries going crazy for 10 years over her.

You can’t make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.

I know nowadays the common wisdom is to celebrate diversity as long as you don't point out that people are different.

I'm just another guy who thinks he's smarter than he is, in a long line of them.

The ancient Greeks were the first ones to say an unexamined life is not worth living. They don't tell you of course what we found out, an examined life not that fascinating either.

Twitter is one of those dangerous toys that if it gets in the hands of the wrong person you'll have the mind of a 12-year-old masquerading as an adult.

So instead of talking about theoretical ways of ending the war and violence, I say that we have to get rid of the individual asholes in each office and situation.

People say history is boring, and that is true because people are boring. We haven't changed since time began. We're still the same.

I get the impression the English kings were witty, for some reason. I feel like all you had was your wit.

I think everyone should own six guns, even though I don't own any.

We were a coven

Life is the journey of coming home to ourselves.

So much beauty in the world, so few eyes to see it.

It is a cursed evil to any man to become as absorbed in any subject as I am in mine.

In the press this week, NBC has been calling me every name in the book. In fact, they think I'm such an idiot they now want me to run the network.

I think weather affects my mood a lot more than I thought, and I like to be in bad moods sometimes.

I'm here, and I know that it's finite; I know that I'm not going to always be here.

Whether or not the artist can fulfill a social function is a question that remains unanswered.

A game is like a mirror that allows you to look at yourself.

I gave up before birth.