The easiest diet is, you know, eat vegetables, eat fresh food. Just a really sensible healthy diet like you read about all the time.

When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show.

Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.

Learn how to set goals. That's the key to everything. That includes designing your own success. You define what the goal is, it's not somebody else's goal, it's yours.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

I'm a big believer in overcoming and achieving and doing things and not feeling sorry for yourself.

I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there.

There's no way I can justify my salary level, but I'm learning to live with it.

You say tomato, I say bourbon and coke.

Things don't make me nearly as happy as talking and having a beer with my friends. And that's something everyone can do.

Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now.

Wrong does not cease to be wrong because the majority share in it.

In God's eyes, walking on water is no more miraculous than the ability of hemoglobin to bond with oxygen inside a red blood corpuscle.

There is a story of an Oxford student who once remarked, "I despise all Americans, but have never met one I didn't like."

Sometimes a man does what he'd most like to avoid.

Whatever is fluid, soft, and yielding will overcome whatever is rigid and hard. What is soft is strong.

Love is the final end of the world's history, the Amen of the universe.

Im always trying to find connections between things. That art is the juxtaposition of a lot of things that seem unrelated but add up to something recognizable.

We've got to demonstrate why European unity and integration, our vast single market, our single currency, equip us with the strength to embrace globalization.

The two things you cannot do effectively on stage are pray and copulate.

Compassion is the use of public funds to buy votes