The economy is in trouble, schools are in trouble, and people have been leaving the city in droves for a long, long time.

When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show.

Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.

Learn how to set goals. That's the key to everything. That includes designing your own success. You define what the goal is, it's not somebody else's goal, it's yours.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

I'm a big believer in overcoming and achieving and doing things and not feeling sorry for yourself.

I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there.

There's no way I can justify my salary level, but I'm learning to live with it.

You say tomato, I say bourbon and coke.

Things don't make me nearly as happy as talking and having a beer with my friends. And that's something everyone can do.

Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now.

War is not just the business of death, it is the antitheses of life.

The only good knowledge is the knowledge of God.

Don’t discount this powerful use of appreciation. It is one of the great secrets of life. It’s the feeling and emotion of appreciation that matters most, not the lip service.

Remember that a gesture of friendship, no matter how small, is always appreciated.

When I grew up, I was in Manhattan the whole time. But my kids have been all over the world.

Equality is never given, it is taken.

People tend to forget that my presence runs counter to their best interests. And it always does. That is one last thing to remember. Writers are always selling somebody out.

Europe thus divided into nationalities freely formed and free internally, peace between States would have become easier: the United States of Europe would become a possibility.

You can't have a family when you're playing because you're away from home so much. So believe me, I won't be pitching forever. I won't make it to 300 wins or anything like that. No way.

If Jesus Christ was not perfect, then the religion bearing his name falls to the ground.