The election is in full-swing. Republicans have taken out round-the-clock ads promoting George Bush. Don't we already have that? It's called Fox News.

A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn't answer the phone.

Strange medical news from Pakistan: A man had a successful organ transplant with a dog. They gave the man a dog's organ. In a related story today, Keith Richards was seen chasing a mailman.

Did you see the statue topple? Bill Clinton got nostalgic seeing something that big in a beret go down.

Democrats were quick to point out that President Bush's budget creates a 1 trillion dollar deficit. The White House quickly responded with 'Hey, look over there, it's Saddam Hussein.'

I enjoyed retirement the right way linguine con vongole, red wine and plenty of truffle cheese.

The prison scandal is really hurting President Bush's poll numbers. In fact, I hear he's already working on his concession smirk.

John Kerry will be the Democratic nominee for president. Democrats finally found someone who is Al Gore without the flash and the sizzle.

The big political news, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he's running for governor of California, and already, people are chanting, 'Four more vowels, four more vowels.

New rumors that Saddam Hussein is planning to flee to a castle in Libya with 10 billion dollars. Now President Bush doesn't know whether to nuke him or give him a tax cut.

President Bush spent last night calling world leaders to support the war with Iraq and it is sad when the most powerful man on earth is yelling, 'I know you're there, pick up, pick up.

In search of Truth the hopeful zealot goes, But all the sadder tums, the more he knows!

Religion, too, is a weapon. What manner of weapon is religion when it becomes the government?

Eliminate all unnecessary negativity from your life and watch it change for the better.

Men often applaud an imitation and hiss the real thing.

I think the more you do this and the more comfortable you become on stage, you start speaking more and becoming more of a character in yourself.

Ballroom dancing is like being on Mars compared to what I've done throughout my life.

If anything might hurt her, silence would; and I wanted to hurt her.

Sichuan food would not be Sichuanese without the hot chilies that arrived before 1700 from South America.

When the rose and the cross are united the alchemical marriage is complete and the drama ends. Then we wake from history and enter eternity.

Every breath we draw is a gift of God's love; every moment of existence is a grace.