The entire world of grown-ups is corrupt and stupid.

Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

The scary thing about the future... there will be tiny cameras everywhere, and they'll be flying around like mosquitoes and drones. That will be bad. Drones are scary. You can't reason with a drone.

Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

God often gives nuts to toothless people.

Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well ... all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky starts we don't live in Paraguay!

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head.

I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

We've got a bunch of new writers now who tell me they grew up watching The Simpsons. It's bizarre, and they're writing some very funny stuff.

Fire is fire.

Pain indolence sterility endless ennui have also their lesson for you.

When I married Mr. Right I didn't know his first name was Always.

What counts is what you do with your money, not where it came from.

If I write when I'm low, it will be a dark song, but I don't care. I want to be honest with myself at all times.

God knows no distance.

The vine that has grown old on an old tree falls with the ruin of that tree, and through that bad companionship must perish with it.

There are some very good people in television, but a lot of fools running it.

I think there's a lot that we remember almost chemically, through our DNA.

The three essentials of Hinduism are belief in God, in the Vedas as revelation, in the doctrine of Karma and transmigration.