The facts of life are to the biographer what the text of a novel is to the critic.

There's no greater bliss in life than when the plumber eventually comes to unblock your drains. No writer can give that sort of pleasure.

I will form good habits and become their slave.

The writer is neither saint nor tzaddik nor prophet standing at the gate

It is unlikely Yanukovich won. If he did, his government made it impossible to determine.

I had auditioned for 'Saturday Night Live' two or three times before and never really saw myself there. I looked up to Belushi and Bill Murray and Aykroyd and I never saw myself as in their world.

We may admire people for being wise, but we like them best when they are foolish.

My parents wanted me to solace them for sorrows they denied having had.

Things are not as they should be. Because He's not finished yet. They will be. Rest assured.

It's almost like my career has been [based on voting]. I won a dancing contest to get into wrestling. That involved fans voting. And then on Dancing with the Stars, fans were voting.

It's not that conservatives don't care. We do. We just have different answers than liberals do. It's a difference of the mind, not of the heart.