The film 'Boyhood' won the Golden Globe for best drama. It follows one guy's journey over the course of 12 years - or as Mitt Romney calls that, 'running for president.'

Don't keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.

Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you really mean: 'Wow, you're really ugly in person.'

Thank you... fantasy football draft, for letting me know that even in my fantasies, I am bad at sports.

In New York, there are so many potholes, they're like craters on the moon. That's another traffic thing.

The man who invented Doritos has passed away at the age of 97. He asked to be buried with the creator of Fritos and Cheetos in a variety pack.

I just really don't like being the center of attention that much. It's kind of ironic.

If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don't have a choice.

I know what you want. And I know what you need. But I'm gonna screw it up, yeah, cause I'm an idiot. And I'm your boyfriend.

Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model.

I don't shoot guns. I don't know how to do that. I grew Upstate New York, so I fought with my fists.

If the devil is sending you thoughts of fear, resist him, stop the thoughts

When You Are Just You, People Will Always Bring Themselves.

As children, we have a tenuous idea of love; we often try to quantify it with how much we feel seen and heard.

For where does one run to when he's already in the promised land?

Every coach should be recording games to watch...use your VCR.

We must find our duties in what comes to us, not in what might have been.

It is enough that one man hate another for hate to gain, little by little, all mankind.

I want to dominate the man's world.

It seems to be remarkable that death increases our veneration for the good, and extenuates our hatred for the bad.

He that loves to be flattered is worthy o' the flatterer.