The first girl you go to bed with is always pretty.

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more.

Every actor looks all his life for a part that will combine his talents with his personality... 'The Odd Couple' was mine. That was the plutonium I needed. It all started happening after that.

I don't mind my wife having to last word. In fact I'm delighted when she reaches it.

There's no such thing as 'too late!' That's why they invented death!

Why don't you do the world a favour. Pull your bottom lip up over your head and swallow.

I have more talent in my smallest fart than you have in your entire body.

I always had one ear offstage, listening for the call from the bookie.

My mother paid eight dollars a month for rent. When she had it. Mostly we were evicted, because she couldnt afford to pay the eight dollars a month.

We're writing a book together. She just finished one. Did you read it? Among the Porcupines?

Get out of show business. Its the best advice I ever got, because Im so stubborn that if someone would tell me that, I would stay in it to the bitter end.

God is faithful, He will fulfill His word

Holy shit, " somebody muttered in the dark."A virgin, " sputtered another."I didn't know they still made them.""He just did.

You know you are wealthy when you lose count of the people whose lives you changed for the better.

It's not a very high failure rate if you choose people that you really like the sound of.

Never think, because you cannot write a letter easily, that it is better not to write at all. The most awkward note imaginable is better than none.

The state lies in all languages of good and evil; and whatever it says, it lies-and whatever it has, it has stolen.

I might attempt Zumba. I haven't yet, but I thought it would be a lot of fun and different.

Hong Kong film audiences are very quiet. It's their culture.

Most men judge your importance in their lives by how much you can hurt them.

I consider the Stooges to be pop music.