The first goal of the technostructure is its own security.

The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness.

Oligopoly is an imperfect monopoly. Like the despotism of the Dual Monarchy, it is saved only by its incompetence.

Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite.

But there is merit even in the mentally retarded legislator. He asks the questions that everyone is afraid to ask for fear of seeming simple.

Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.

If all else fails immortality can always be assured by adequate error.

The process by which banks create money is so simple that the mind is repelled.

There is certainly no absolute standard of beauty. That precisely is what makes its pursuit so interesting.

Simple minds, presumably, are the easiest to manage.

Every corner of the public psyche is canvassed by some of the most talented citizens to see if the desire for some merchandisable product can be cultivated.

Every society which allows violence against animals secretly becomes a violent society.

Time is an insane concept

Let's build us a happy, little cloud that floats around the sky.

I went to the Senate, accomplished nothing as usual.

I suppose one should have an integrated personality, but I've never really seen the point.

Marriage is ridiculous.

It is all a question of weeding out what you yourself like best to do, so that you can live most agreeably in a world full of an increasing number of disagreeable surprises.

That's the nature of comedy. You always want to be improving and growing and changing with what's happening in the world. That's when comedy is most effective.

Never give up, because you never know if the next try is going to be the one that works.

Human nature is good, just as water seeks low ground. There is no man who is not good, just as there is no water that does not flow downward.