The first presidential debate was down in Florida. Residents spent all day putting plywood on their televisions.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

World knows I am pathetic in remembering dates. I really wonder how I perfectly remember all the dates on which we met

When given the choice between being right or being kind, choose kind

I was bold in the pursuit of knowledge, never fearing to follow truth and reason to whatever results they led, and bearding every authority which stood in their way.

I want to be a good creature for reasons beyond sharing a life with a good man.

A fine suggestion, a sketch with great feeling, can be as expressive as the most finished product.

Man is the microcosm: I am my world.

I don't have an agent. The only work I get is through friendships that I've already built.

Why pray if we cannot change God? ...is that why we pray? To change omniscient Love? Isn't it rather to learn what it is and to fulfill it? Not to change it by our acts, but to change our acts by it.

Sometimes a person can say I'm sorry a thousand times and that glue will never dry.

Attention! Attention! Attention! Thou art aware of the situation!