The first question that comes out of everybody's mouth, 'Did you bite the head off a bat?' And I did, so, next.

I don't want you to play me a riff that's going to impress Joe Satriani; give me a riff that makes a kid want to go out and buy a guitar and learn to play.

Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most.

I got rabies shots for biting the head off a bat but that's OK - the bat had to get Ozzy shots.

Maybe it's not too late to learn how to love and forget how to hate.

Sometimes I'm scared of being Ozzy Osbourne. But it could have been worse. I could have been Sting.

If you can laugh at your mistakes, it's a good thing.

My son Jack just got out of rehab, he's 17 years old and he got hooked on Oxycontin and I'm just a little pissed off that he never gave me a few.

Hating people isn’t a productive way of living. So what’s the point in hating anyone? There’s enough hate in the world as it is, without me adding to it.

When you’re in love, it’s not just about the messing around in the sack, it’s about how empty you feel when they’re gone.

You've got to believe in yourself, or no one will believe in you. Imagination is like a bird on the wing, flying free for you to use.

The moment I saw her, a part of me walked out of my body and wrapped itself around her. And there it still remains.

Go where the pain is, go where the pleasure is.

The happy man is he who knows his limitations yet bows to no false gods.

God's angels often protect his servants from potential enemies.

God is not an objective correlative reality.

Social advance depends quite as much upon an increase in moral sensibility as it does upon a sense of duty.

When I kissed you, you didn't mind. I thought I tasted of too many cigarettes, but you tasted like wine.

The only thing worse than not getting what you want, is getting it.

Come on, is your heart a sponge or a fist?

If you're a studio writer, the funny better be on the page.