The first step to dealing with a problem is admitting that you have a problem.

When you don't know what you're doing, it's best to do it quickly.

Most things can be fixed with duct tape and extension cords.

Through Jesus, your past is explained, your present has a purpose, and your future is secure. What more could you really want in life?

You can talk any redneck into a challenge. That’s why so many rednecks die in strange ways.

It seems a fine line between being a matador and being a rodeo clown

My parents were hoarders before hoarding was cool

I represent Jesus on this earth and he represents me in heaven.

Most people named Willie are either in prison or on the armwrestling circuit.

You can see the true heart of a man when you're out in the woods with a weapon

If you’re too busy to duck hunt or catch fish, then you’re too busy.

This is how the girl who couldn't speak and the man who couldn't see fell in love.

Sometimes fate is what you make it, and I'm making my life with you.

No worse fate can befall a young man or woman than becoming prematurely entrenched in prudence and negation.

The queen who mended her stockings in prison must have looked every inch a queen and even more a queen than at sumptuous banquets and levees.

This is a business built on promotion. We've been giving music away to radio stations for 30 years.

Concealing one's true medical condition from the voting public is a time-honored tradition of the American presidency.

In my tradition, one must wait until one has learned a lot of Bible and Talmud and the Prophets to handle mysticism. This isn't instant coffee. There is no instant mysticism.

For example, this, what I said about the bishops who move pedophile priests, the best thing they can do is resign. This isn't a dogmatic thing, but this is what I think.

The so-called Real World. Human misery and sadness. Blind politics and general cruelty.

Some people say their life is full of darkness and I wonder why they don't just try and switch the lights on.