The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.

The man in our society is the breadwinner; the woman has enough to do as the homemaker, wife and mother.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.

It is difficult to make a man miserable while he feels worthy of himself and claims kindred to the great God who made him.

I had to open my eyes, so I could see a new life!

Over time, naturally, you lose your innocence from gaining knowledge. You can't be innocent forever, but there's something in innocence you need to regain to be creative.

An honest man with an open Bible and a pad and pencil is sure to find out what is wrong with him very quickly.

I think that what is true is that the Russians intended to meddle, and they meddled. And it could be another country in the future.

Make yourself an efficient spark plug, igniting the latent energy of those about you.

Enthusiasm brushes off upon those with whom you come in contact.

I used to be afraid of things like strokes, but I've now discovered that the fear of the stroke is worse than the stroke itself.

I've always been called a professional opportunist, and in the future I'm open to anything. We've spent a lot of time offshore, looking at opportunities in real estate outside the United States.

We love the things we pretend to laugh at.