The follies which a man regrets the most in his life are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity.

A wise woman puts a grain of sugar into everything she says to a man, and takes a grain of salt with everything he says to her.

Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.

Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.

Love, like a chicken salad or restaurant hash, must be taken with blind faith or it loses its flavor.

Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning hand springs or eating with chopsticks. It looks easy until you try it.

A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say it.

A bride at her second marriage does not wear a veil. She wants to see what she is getting.

A good woman inspires a man, a brilliant woman interests him, a beautiful woman fascinates him, but a sympathetic woman gets him.

Wedding: the point at which a man stops toasting a woman and begins roasting her.

The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.

I did not need him to survive. He inspired me to find that strength in myself.

Life is a recipe book our words always cook enough.

We considered behaving, but it's against our nature.

It's a naive domestic burgundy without any breeding but I think you'll be amused by its presumption.

Every man is said to have his peculiar ambition.

My characters always like themselves.

God knows I didn't mean to fall in love with her

I've seen too many ups and downs in the movie industry.

My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.

To stimulate wildly weak and untrained minds is to play with mighty fires.