The foods that are recommended today are as palatable as a steady diet of wet blotters.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

I had learned years ago never to give original documents to anyone if I could help it.

Today, the theory of evolution is an accepted fact for everyone but a fundamentalist minority, whose objections are based not on reasoning but on doctrinaire adherence to religious principles.

Only in time of peace can the wastes of capitalism be tolerated.

Armor yourself in it, and it will never be used against you

Each time one prematurely teaches a child something he could have discovered himself, that child is kept from inventing it and consequently from understanding it completely.

It is hardship that makes clear who the "fighters" are.

You cannot find peace by avoiding life, Leonard.

The quality of what is said inevitably influences the way in which it is said, however inexperienced the writer.

Yes, I like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain. I'm not much into health food, I am into Champagne.

Joe Wright was almost like a teacher, to be firm with me, that really stuck with me. And that helped me as I've gotten older.