The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.

The man in our society is the breadwinner; the woman has enough to do as the homemaker, wife and mother.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.

Practice fear and you will fail. Practice love and success will prevail.

I'm not afraid of you!' The wombat yelled. 'I saw you get stuck in the washing machine once. Round and round you went! Who's afraid of something that can't defeat a rinse cycle?

Never confuse efficiency with effectiveness.

I have a lot of things to say and a lot of things to let out of me.

I don't know what motivated the artist, which means that the paintings have an intrinsic quality. I think Goethe called it the 'essential dimension,' the thing that makes great works of art great.

Smiling babies should actually be categorized by the pharmaceutical industry as a powerful antidepressant.

The soul is silent. If it speaks at all it speaks in dreams.

I like their darkness but I also like the pop-side of the Velvet Underground.

I have often regretted what I have eaten, but never what I have drunk.

Faith, Princess," the Prism Cat repeated. "It is a highly underrated weapon against the dark things in this world.