The god of the world's leading religion.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Denial isn't just a river in Egypt.

It seems to me we can never give up longing and wishing while we are still alive. There are certain things we feel to be beautiful and good, and we must hunger for them.

Love may be blind, but lust is just damn stupid.

Laughter is a gift everyone should open.

You want to embrace, but I can't figure out how to hold on to it.

In all earnestness I asked myself what kind of world I had stumbled into.

A thimbleful of red is redder than a bucketful.

True repentance always involves reform.

I hate to say this, but I'll repeat it: After death, all we know that you do is stink.

Dream beautiful dreams and then work to make those dreams come true.