The good things in life are free, except for health care, and electricity.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

Outer beauty you see with your eyes, but inner beauty you only see with your heart.

The war that exists between you and God can be over quickly, and the peace treaty is signed in the blood of [God’s] Son Jesus Christ.

We accept the reality of the world with which we are presented.

People ask me to smile for the camera, but somehow it always comes out gloomy.

You can accomplish virtually any goal you set for yourself, as long as the goal is clear and you persist long enough.

Show me someone without an ego, and I'll show you a loser - having a healthy ego, or high opinion of yourself, is a real positive in life!

One year I was given a birthday present I'll never forget - a cooking lesson from Jamie Oliver.

Strategic air assault is wasted if it is dissipated piecemeal in sporadic attacks between which the enemy has an opportunity to readjust defenses or recuperate.

[George Clooney] knows exactly what he wants and so he knows that you've done a good job before you do.

Working with my father [Stephen Hawking ] is a great thrill - he has the amazing ability to hold enormous amounts of information in his head.