The grass is always greener when it's covered in money.

Blanket statements are always stupid. NO EXCEPTIONS!

During a heat wave every dude stinks.

Visiting Saturn sounds like a lot of fun but you will die!

It's better to have a broken CD player that worked once than to never have evolved into a self-aware carbon based lifeform.

Bird Poop in the mouth is always a surprise.

Cars and bumper cars are two very different things. NEVER sleep in a bumper car.

Nothing is perfect. Therefore, being perfect is being nothing… and that's a great way to lose weight.

The good thing about living like me is everywhere you go is a step up.

At one time or another, farts have coincided with every other sound, including this quote.

Failure is not an option. It just happens all the time. Like, all the time.

From that moment our love became sad, and sadness is a disease which gives the death-blow to affection.

Everything is vague to a degree you do not realize till you have tried to make it precise.

The only thing some people do is get older.

I'm standing on my Monopoly board that means I'm on top of my game

It is as useless to fight against the interpretations of ignorance as to whip the fog.

It truly is the power that you have deep within yourself that gives you the strength to pursue your dreams.

There is nothing that compares to an unexpected round of applause.

But of course in my world nothing is political. And everything's about policy and governance. And maybe a bit of politics.

But if objects for gratitude and admiration are our desire, do they not present themselves every hour to our eyes?

Bacon. Crispy. Salty. I could just eat a mountain of bacon for breakfast; it's so delicious.