The great thing about Los Angeles is that you can get so much money in this town by constantly failing. You can get a lot of television deals that don't go anywhere, but you still get paid.

Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.

Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.

I dated a teacher in high school. Yeah, it didn't make me cooler. And a lot of you are like 'that's cause you were homeschooled'.

Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.

The flat-brimmed cap is the modern day dunce cap.

They say money doesn't buy happiness. That phrase should end with 'just kidding'.

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'

Science gives an exact photograph of the world, but it lacks an essential dimension of reality.

Dear books, please take me to the places where my feet can't take me.

There are women who inspire you with the desire to conquer them and to take your pleasure of them

Being a star just means that you just find your own special place and that you shine where you are. To me that's what being a star means.

Blind commitment to a theory is not an intellectual virtue: it is an intellectual crime.

The Vietnam war was fought over portion size.

The first time you hear the word "Daddy," I don't care who you are, your heart just melts.

Before there was a proper understanding and a sense of God's presence, the idea that everything would one day end was utterly desolating.

We are far from the so called 'end of history,' since the conditions for a sustainable and peaceful development have not yet been adequately articulated and realized.

When I conjure these memories, they are of the present to me, because after all, the artist is a kind of enchanter in time.