The great thing about being up early on a Sunday is nothing.

LL Cool J should be the spokesman for a line of pajamas called Ladies Love Cool Jammies.

Why would any woman agree to be on a show called Bridezillas? It's not like men would agree to be on Douchegroom.

You know you drank too much the night before when you wake up with crop circles in your pubes.

Big deal... the only cats that don't have three legs are the ones with two through zero legs.

A message to parents who think legalizing weed will make their kids want to try it: they will anyway.

The genius' behind the new Rocky movie decided to call it Rocky Balboa so that we'll probably forget that it's number six. Or Rocky Balboa can't count past five.

In Seattle, they have a saying: 'If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes and then shoot yourself in the face.'

I just broke up with my girlfriend because I caught her lying. Under another man.

Stand-up is a very scary, very solitary profession, but you have to experience it to figure out if it's right for you.

We don't want any pot-smoking vaginas because that's disgusting. And I saw it once in Indonesia, and I've never been able to get it out of my head.

Can a person really love someone so deeply after only a week? Hello? Cliche much for insta-love?

Nobody has ever been and most certainly, never would be able to cut the wings of beliefs! Instead, they are nurtured for the needed flight that they give to our otherwise inert lives…

The avarice of mankind is insatiable.

You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality.

The only reason that we humans and all creatures have made it thus far is because of the lessons learned consciously and unconsciously through the challenges we have been through.

Make your breaking point your turning point.

You may not always end up where you thought you were going, But you will always end up where you were meant to be.

I hate the title of being called the richest woman in India, but it's the recognition that this was the value that I had created as a woman entrepreneur and that makes me very, very proud.

The usefulness of a pot comes from its emptiness.

Prayer will never do our work for us; what it will do is to strengthen us for work which must be done.