The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was the quarter from behind the ear gag. He would never put the time in.

Every cookie is a sugar cookie. A cookie without sugar is a cracker.

No matter what time of year it's always funny when a person walks by me dressed in religious garb and I say Happy Halloween!

Just saw an orthodox Jewish kid do 3 pull-ups on the scaffolding. Shattering the previous record.

Don't go back over your life with a red pen.

Some people hate Jews. Fine, alright it's been done. I mean, that's part of my problem with it. Could you hate somebody new? I'm not giving you any suggestions but the Belgians have had a good run.

The key is to get it all down on paper before the coffee stops telling you you're talented.

Rich people are just like us though they now eat their meals off square shaped plates.

If you are 26 years old and you're waking up under Star Wars sheets... the Force is not with you.

The definition of the word nerd has changed. It's now any attractive person with a hobby. The loneliness component is no longer included.

I sometimes throw in a couple of swears just to keep the Christian right off my tail. I wouldn't want to be the tea party's go-to comedian.

As events beyond my control unfold. I go within to find peace.

It is not important who the leader is. Its important where they lead you to.

[A kitten] gets himself into every kind of trouble.

God is with us, not beyond us, in suffering.

The camera should be used for a recording of life, for rendering the very substance and quintessence of the thing itself, whether it be polished steel or palpitating flesh.

I'm doing research for a large comic book on the Beat Generation guys - Allen Ginsberg and Jack Kerouac and those guys

I don't only like rap music. There's everything from R&B to crazy gangster rap, hip hop... everything! But it all blends together nicely. It's like a magical music rainbow.

I prefer silent prudence to loquacious folly. [Lat., Malo indisertam prudentiam, quam loquacem stultitiam.]

If you fixate on the worst-case scenario and it actually happens, you’ve lived it twice.

Some people, and I am one of them, hate happy ends. We feel cheated. Harm is the norm.