The guy that designed girls' volleyball uniforms definitely never had daughters.

If it has to sell its mascot, your team sucks.

Fantasy football is not only a good thing, but a great thing.

If it doesn't know what to charge you for nosebleed seats, your team sucks.

What bothers me most about today is that we're getting used 2 it. ENOUGH. 2nd amendment must go. Violence has 2 stop. Culture MUST change.

You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over? Movie Day.

When human beings stop progressing at an endeavor, they stop enjoying it and move on to something else. Not golfers. Masochists, all of them.

I think golf is a waste of time and a waste of a sunny afternoon. I also stink at it. I have never found anything, including divorce and a sexual harassment suit, more frustrating.

If a waiter or waitress tells me when gratuity is included they automatically get more gratuity. When they hide it I go with the leg kick.

I miss third grade because you could kill people in dodgeball. Remember the rules to dodgeball? If you're fat or have glasses, don't show up because you'll die.

Why are baseball managers the only coaches who dress up like the players?

Freedom is the absence of influence.

The experience of eternity right here and now is the function of life. Heaven is not the place to have the experience

Letting you go was a mistake.but now i have to wait for you rest of my life cause I can not afford to repeat my mistake

Each time I came crashing down into the ocean porpoiselike, water hit my face like the slap of a jilted lover.

Money dignifies what is frivolous if unpaid for.

It is not manly to turn one's back on fortune.

Great poetry does not have to be technically intricate.

Leader, bandits at 2 o'clock! Roger; it's only 1:30 now-what'll I do 'til then?

I did a play called Throne of Straw when I was 11, at the Odyssey Theatre in Los Angeles. It became really clear to me at that point that I enjoyed acting more than any other experience I was having.

Selling my soul would be a lot easier if I could just find it.