The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius.

In between goals is a thing called life, that has to be lived and enjoyed.

The trouble with telling a good story is that it invariably reminds the other fellow of a dull one.

Comedy has to be based on truth. You take the truth and you put a little curlicue at the end.

If you can't stand yourself, neither can anybody else!

The best thing about humour is that it shows people they are not alone.

A great NOW will be a great WAS! A bad NOW will always be a bad WAS, and all you can hope for is a Great GONNA BE!

If you have no tragedy, you have no comedy. Crying and laughing are the same emotion. If you laugh too hard, you cry. And vice versa.

Jazz is a beautiful woman whose older brother is a policeman.

People come up to me and they thank me: 'I thank you for the many, many hours of laughter.'

Every language has its own music.

I can’t go down without a fight. Only I keep wishing I could think of a way to… to show the Capitol they don’t own me. That I’m more than just a piece in their Games.

There are the horror fans that love the 'Evil Dead' because of the humor, but I'm sure it's not all of them. Not all horror fans love 'Evil Dead' because of the humor, at least not me.

Voting against the resolution authorizing the use of military force in Iraq was one of my proudest moments as a senator. It is long past time to close this tragic chapter in American history.

I wish I had the courage not to fight and doubt everything... I wish, just once, I could say, 'This. This is good enough. Just because I choose it.

He (Branch Rickey) must think I went to the Massachesetts Constitution of Technology.

My management team are all women. Most of the people at labels I liaise with are all women. It's pretty much all women all the time.

Coming out involves varying degrees of difficulty that are affected by class, race, religion, and geography.

Always strive to excel, but only on weekends.

I am very proud to be called a pig. It stands for pride, integrity and guts.

What I always look for in just about any band or artists I sign is their songs.