The habitually punctual make all their mistakes right on time.

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.

Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.

Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.

Don't believe in miracles - depend on them.

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.

Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.

When in doubt or danger, run in circles, scream and shout.

A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know.

There are two kinds of failures: those who thought and never did, and those who did and never thought

Some problems are so complex that you have to be highly intelligent and well informed just to be undecided about them.

It's normal to shy away from illness and death. It's natural to gravitate toward laughter and life.

Praying for your children is the most powerful way you can care for them.

President Bush says he now wants to simplify the tax code. Only those in the blue states will pay.

I don't think that I have any musical talent.

I don't like making a film and having the actors in character too much in magazines and on the net and everything else. Because you want to keep something back.

Beauty is power; a smile is its sword.

I've always been proud of my body, my Jewish nose and all of that. Hollywood's Hollywood, but that's not going to change.

These will be my last moments of peace. . . . From now on, my love. . . will bring nothing but chaos.

Starting with [Ronald] Regan it became quite open, the attack on unions. It wasn't the Pinkertons anymore, but it was just not applying the laws.

I love improvisation.