The hardest part about being a kid is knowing you have got your whole life ahead of you.

Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.

Unless you are at a picnic, life is no picnic.

I have gained and lost the same 10 pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have deja vu!

The ability to delude yourself may be an important survival tool.

It's my belief we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life. For better or worse. God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another in some way.

If olive oil comes from olives, then where does baby oil come from?

I worry that our lives are like soap operas. We can go for months and not tune in to them, then six months later we look in and the same stuff is still going on.

One thing I have no worry about is whether God exists. But it has occurred to me that God has Alzheimer's and has forgotten we exist.

I worry that humanity has been "advanced" to its present level of incompetency because evolution works on the Peter Principle.

She'll kill me if she finds you in here. Can you climb trees? Tell me you can climb a tree!"Patch grinned, "I can fly.

Basic research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

History is a commentary on the various and continuing incapabilities of men. What is history? History is women following behind with the bucket.

The automatic things you do are basically those things that keep you from doing the better things you need to do.

If your stature were an illness, it seems that the Centipede dispenses medicine to make you well.

You know, I once read a short story about how much you could tell about people from their shoes. You could tell where they had been, what they did, whether they were real walkers.

Life is the twofold internal movement of composition and decomposition at once general and continuous.

One might enumerate the items of high civilization, as it exists in other countries, which are absent from the texture of American life, until it should become a wonder to know what was left.

I could fall for you in a heartbeat

I have said many times before, interactivity is the equivalent of radioactivity. For interactivity effects a kind of disintegration, a kind of rupture.