The hardest thing in comedy is to have the biggest laugh at the end, and it’s the most satisfying thing.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

You know, it's hard work to write a book. I can't tell you how many times I really get going on an idea, then my quill breaks. Or I spill ink all over my writing tunic.

I insist on believing that beauty elevates human beings.

I believe that I have received Jesus Christ into my heart. I believe that he has covered all of my sins.

Chaos is the score upon which reality is written.

I'm going to smile, and my smile will sink down into your pupils, and heaven knows what it will become.

After all, it's the librarian's sworn purpose to bring books together with their one true reader.

But what if I fail of my purpose here? It is but to keep the nerves at strain, to dry one's eyes and laugh at a fall, and baffled, get up and begin again.

The only reason I don't do more is because, like all of us, we have busy lives.

I'm a better person when I'm preparing for a role, when I'm studying a role.

Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind.