The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

I suppose I was a little bit of what would be called today a nerd. I didn't have girlfriends, and really I wasn't a very social boy.

The mind of the writer does indeed do something before it dies, and so does its owner, but I would be hard put to call it living.

There's a great tradition at the BFI of giving fellowships and I thought one of the great jobs that I'd have at the BFI would be to give them out on a regular basis.

I was always shy and had a huge fear of being onstage.

Obamacare is a disaster. It's too expensive. It's horrible health care. It doesn't cover what you have to cover. It's a disaster.

It's my favorite thing to do: luxurious nothing.

Is this chicken what I have or is this fish? I know it's tuna. But it says chicken. By the sea.

The less money and time you have, the more you haveto plan ahead and be careful about your coverage. It's like a gas:it expands or contracts depending on the size of the container.

You are the Master of your own Destiny

Being a man with a conscience I simply felt that I had to do something - anything! - about the world we live in.