The heart of man is "deceitful and desperately wicked."

I have a zero tolerance for sanctimonious morons who try to scare people.

The founding document of the United States of America acknowledges the Lordship of Jesus Christ because we are a Christian nation.

It seems to me the Washington Monument is a symbol of America’s power. It has been the symbol of our great nation, we look at that monument and we say this is one nation under God.

There are demons and there are evil people in the world, and you post a picture like that and some cultist gets a hold of it or a coven and they begin muttering curses against an unborn child.

Is there in all the history of human folly a greater fool than a clergymen in politics?

I know one man who was impotent who gave AIDS to his wife and the only thing they did was kiss.

Homosexuals want to come into churches and disrupt church services and throw blood all around and try to give people AIDS and spit in the face of ministers.

You might get AIDS in Kenya, people have AIDS, you’ve got to be careful. I mean, the towels could have AIDS.

Like it or not, males have a tendency to wander a little bit. What you want to do is make a home so wonderful that he doesn’t want to wander.

Homosexuals are like Judas: They look good in a robe, and their kisses are legendary.

Satan is real and is opposed to everything God is doing.

Consequently, any boy who appeared at such a time was bound to carry a certain weight, a sort of saving grace, a fateful gravity.

and the wind gathered the leaves as a mother gathers her children and blew them irrevocably, lovingly, into the haunted wildness

Life is a game like any other; we just don't take it as seriously.

I quite agree with you. The sun is not kind. God should use a rose amber spot.

If you're a comic, you don't have a rehearsal room, you rehearse on stage. My main concern is remembering everything.

Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse. Murphy's First Corollary If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

You can't stamp on a man's corns when he's got his feet cut off.

There's always something else to work on and different solutions to these problems in the next thing. We each have a certain set of obsessions which we each cycle through.

Now I will believe that there are unicorns.