The high point of the act is when he (Uri Durov) puts his head inside the bear's huge jaws. I wouldn't even try that with my agent.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

The reason why nothing happens is because nothing was done. Something will happen when something is done. Leaders take actions!

Suffering has a noble purpose.

No one understands the way I feel about things I don't understand.

Our goal is to be the best team in the NBA at the end of the year.

The fan support isn't the biggest but they're very loyal and very supportive. It's a very good group of fans and I enjoy playing in front of them.

The VCR is to the American film producer, as the Boston Strangler is to the woman home alone.

[To the mother of two unruly children in a restaurant after the woman said she really didn't know what to do with her children:] Have you tried infanticide?

Moreover, a true Christian will not ascribe any prosperity to his own diligence, industry, or good fortune, but he will acknowledge that God is the author of it.

I am not moved by what I see. I am moved only by what I believe.

In war, numbers alone confer no advantage. Do not advance relying on sheer military power.