The higher up I hold it, the less painful the hot wax.”…“Try hanging off the ceiling and dropping it from there.

Hey, you’re not supposed to find our magnificent organs amusing.

That should give him time for another wank. It was a good job masturbating didn’t make you go blind.

And then in a moment of pure magic, our lips touch tenderly and sensitively!

Some journeys in life can only be traveled alone.

I hope you do not let anyone else's expectations direct the course of your life.

Happiness is action.

The tragedy is women of color have made more progress in basketball than they have in broadcasting.

Rahm Emanuel is son of the devil’s spawn.

I always took my workouts serious because I have a football background. I came from football, so when I got to baseball, I continued my football workouts in the offseason.

I'm Jewish and I can sing and I'm alive.

Were you here in the bad old days? ... That's why you can't read and write then!

It gets dangerous when you start allowing people to validate your work.