The human body is like a condominium. The thing that keeps you from really enjoying it is the maintenance.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

What had he ever wanted that he could not buy? And if that wasn't riches he didn't know what was.

I think I finally fell in love with NY.. I miss it already !

I'd rather get ten men to do the job than to do the job of ten men.

I was just glad to get the Grammy. I didn't know what the thing was. It's the honor what I loved.

We want to do for 'Hamlet' what Baz Luhrmann did for 'Romeo and Juliet' in terms of like a really cool kind of re-imagining.

It sucks to think about, honestly, but when you really consider the resources that it takes to press vinyl records, or the amount of gas that it takes to tour, it's really quite scary.

Providence has its appointed hour for everything. We cannot command results, we can only strive.

I do send out information about my books. Very few people buy the books that way, but I always feel that if they want to know more about the process, they can get the information from my books.

I do have a bit of a garden, and I'd love a hovercraft to get around it - one of the big four-seater ones with the fan on the back.

Walter Johnson's fastball looked about the size of a watermelon seed and it hissed at you as it passed.